True Love

And how do you know this is love? And what does this “love” really means... who invented this word

and why we all struggle to find something we don't even know what it is exactly?...

Love is such a big word… it’s overwhelming… Just the thought of something so small that can change

us… so drastically… that can give meaning to our lives… Love can bring more happiness than we ever dreamed of… but also it can permanently destroy us. It's very difficult to accept it and to be really aware of its power... Or maybe love is something beyond our thoughts... maybe it’s beyond us and beyond our power of comprehending. Maybe we are just able to love and that’s it… without going further in

understanding the process of “loving”.

I don't know. Maybe someday… someone will show me... what it really means and how it feels to love. Now I don't believe in love anymore... or maybe I just don't want to believe anymore… Maybe my heart is closed now. But I’m sure the day will come when eventually I’ll be able to open myself again to this sublime feeling that cannot be described.

The concept of love is relative and abstract... it depends on the person in cause. Each of us feel love differently and express love in a variety of ways. Yet we all love in one way or another... we’re all brothers in this big family called... LOVE.

We are born alone and we die alone... but all our lives we’re searching for that one person… that special person. Some lucky bastards find that special human being… others get tired of searching and settle for something less… others never give up on searching but sadly they

never find “the one”.

Maybe beyond all of this and beyond this world... maybe we can find it in God... or in art, or in nature or in something else... I don't know. Why are we never enough for ourselves? Why we always need approval, attention, validation, protection, advice, opinions? Why are we not happy as we are... why are we always searching? And what are we looking for… after all?

In a whole world with billions of people we’re looking for just a soul... It’s so hard and almost impossible to find it… That one thing that can complete us and make us happy… That one special person that can make it all better. Wouldn’t be easier to just live our lives and be thankful for everything? I mean… it's sad... it's so sad and it hurts. This helplessness and the longing for something we don't even know what it is exactly... Maybe we already found it at some point and lost it... not recognizing it in time. Or maybe we can see it right in front of us… but we can’t accept it. It's an ordeal... I swear. We’ve complicated so much our lives and our souls… and just because we hated so much our loneliness we’ve offered ourselves to strangers. Over and over again. Sometimes we make mistakes and get the wrong person... then for a while we prefer to stay singles... And then time passes… we forget the disappointments and

we begin to search again. We never stop hoping that out there... somewhere... someday… we will find it... that special person... that poor soul we need in order to feel fulfilled.

A lifetime is so short... we can't get enough. We have so much to do, to think, to feel... it’s not enough, it’s too short. Who among us can be in a state of complete peace and not having any regrets in the end?

Questions... So many questions and just a few answers. And so much pain... and so many

disappointments… so many… that we could fill an ocean with our tears and with our sighs.

Let's search again for happiness, let's search again for love, let's search again for answers and let’s

search again for the soul’s fulfillment.

It’s so difficult to live in the depths... to always search for the essence and the purpose. Many of us have never asked themselves these questions and they simply lived like shadows... as if they weren't even here. I constantly want to get closer to everything there is above... higher than me and higher than all of us. Somewhere up there... I want to touch the untouchable, I want to find what cannot be found and I want to see what’s unseen. I want to feel everything, the absolute and the nothingness, braided into a dream... A profound dream… a dream so big that it would crush me if I

would dare to reveal it.

“I love you... I want you... Today and tomorrow and always. Until death and beyond...” Do you really

know what you're talking about? Do you know what it really means? Words spoken by all of us but

understood by so few... We throw ourselves into the abyss with our eyes closed and we don’t expect to get hurt…

A bitter smile appears on my lips... I’ve missed it. I'm sick and tired of this ... I'm always good with myself and I’m good with you today... or maybe tomorrow too… Who knows? I suffer, I smile, I cry, I laugh... what else matters? I'm alive! I'm here today... in this moment. Maybe tomorrow I will not be here anymore. I exist only for myself... each one of us exists only for himself/herself. We only think about ourselves, we only love ourselves, we only protect ourselves... The myth that we love others more than we love ourselves... it’s false and empty. Never! That’s a lie.

And how long happiness lasts? And how long love lasts? Or better yet… how long the dream lasts, the illusion? One day... one month... one year? This “sweet illusion”... these are the words that best

describe this bitter and false feeling of safety. After a while everything changes and becomes something else… But we still lie to ourselves for the sake of this eternal idea of “the great feeling of love”… that goes beyond us, that overwhelms us, that changes us irreversibly and cancels our will and power... We lie to ourselves, we lie to others and we lie to the love itself...

I love flowers, I love water and I love “Him”…whomever is this “Him”. But I love to love... I wouldn't feel like a human being if I didn't knew this feeling. Everyone loves someone or something... Right? Who do I love? The seller from the Supermarket… who is always cute with me in his own way and who also has beautiful green eyes and… I'm sure that if I would give him that chance... it would work out... Somehow. :))

My God… how much we lie to ourselves... just for the sake of being accepted, for being like others, for being together in this big lie... Behind all of this there’s nothing but despair, fear, and the horror of loneliness… We cannot rely solely on ourselves, we always need others… we don’t believe in ourselves and we always feel powerless... It’s like if we don’t have love or a relationship… we are lost and we don’t belong to anyone... like those stars lost in the vast sky of the night...

Why everything has to be more beautiful or easier in two? Why life cannot be great without anyone by

our side? The simple answer is because you don't want to know the true joy, the true happiness and

the true love. The Greatest Love of All… True love is inside of us, in each of us... it’s the self-love and is

the love for God - the simplest and the most beautiful love there is. Lacking any shred of evil, selfishness or envy... We can’t never feel that for another human being because we are too similar and we’ll always end up hating each other… There is so much hate and venom in the world right now… that will eventually destroy us.

Is this true love?