Only Two of Us

God made just the two of us. I can search the whole world for another you… and I will never find him. I’ll be left with just many dead ends and many broken hearts in my hands…

So now… chasing for your ghost, I wander these dark streets… desperate to find your scent again. Running blind, always tired and always in pain… bumping into pale faces and stumbling on empty souls… On this road of nothingness I stop sometimes to look back over my shoulder… hoping that I’ll see you again chasing me.

Our story’s memory… is my traveling companion now. Always there to keep me safe… it gives me the hope and the faith and the strength I need to carry on. It’s always there… to remind me of the sweetness of your lips and the warmth of your touch. This memory is my best friend now. It took your place… when you left me. We always travel together in search of you. Hand in hand… so determined to never lose each other… we search for you. We know that one day… we will find you. We both know that someday… this traveling of ours will end and then… you’ll take its place again.

Time is now my worst enemy. We’re now in an endless war. He’s determined to torture me every single day that passes without you… The patience left me a long time ago and now the hours seem centuries…

The tears never leave me though… Nor does the pain. They are always with me. Me, your memory, my tears and our pain… we are all traveling together through time… always searching for you… always waiting for you. We’ve been through a lot. We’re now bound by this strange friendship. You’ve introduced us.

Sometimes I feel like a warrior… fighting with the whole world for your love. Sometimes I feel like a little girl… powerless and frail… begging God to give me another chance. I’m always balancing between these two. Like the pendulum of this absurd clock that doesn’t even know what time is it… The time to fight or the time to pray?

I’m now praying to have the strength to fight for you… Whatever this means. I pray to keep the straight line in tracing the steps you left for me when you disappeared… I hope I will not get lost in this darkness and that I’ll always find in the pocket of my heart the map that leads me to that beautiful face and those divine eyes… I’ll fight every demon that’s taunting me and every ghost that’s haunting me on the way. I’ll fight the robbers of love and I’ll fight time and the tentacles of the oblivion… keeping your memory safe.

From time to time the treacherous doubts… are visiting my mind too. From the darkest corners of my soul… they come out and surround me with seducing arguments. I always find myself smiling at them… and closing my eyes in silence… breathing the air of your memory… I remember your smile.

So now I’m here… in this sorrowful vacation… in Hell… where you’ve sent my soul with the cheapest ticket. The ceaselessly wandering on the dark streets of this ghost town… searching blindly for your ghost through thousands of memories… this is my home now. I’m staying at this luxurious hotel of torture… and every day I’m swimming in this pool of tears… drinking this bitter cocktail of our lost love. I guess this is the vacation I deserve now… after I’ve demolished Our Heaven.

Missing you at every beat of my heart, feeling you with every breath, seeing your face and hearing your voice everywhere… this is The Hell I’m living in now. Always rewinding everything in an endless loop of torture… always blaming myself for everything that went wrong… always trying to find the way that leads to redemption… this is the life I’m living now.

So now I’m this singer of the same song… and the writer of the same lyrics repeating the same thing in various ways. Like a broken tape recorder… stuck on the same partition… repeating “Forgive me”. Playing these discordant notes on this old guitar I’m trying to tell you “I’m sorry” and with my clumsy and trembling fingers I try to play this piano song that says “I love you”…

So now I’m this bird without its wings… just trying to remember how it feels to fly. A wingless bird dreaming about flying again… over this empty sea that still remembers the waves and over this frozen land that still remembers the sun. Now I’m just a leaf… fallen from The Tree Of Life and an angel… fallen from The Sky’s Heaven. I’m like a lonely, tired traveler of time that lost his way back home. I’m just a name on a long waiting list and a number in an old… expired phone book. Now I’m like a little flower waiting for the gardener… like a drifting ship waiting for the captain… like a wick-free candle waiting for the lighter.

Now I’m in this Waiting Place… Just waiting… for another chance.

God made only two of us. Unfortunately I found out too late that you were the other one…