Me and You

Why… was that so? Why wasn’t it different?

Me and you… the only travelers who were still looking for love in this bitter world… and the only ones who couldn’t find it anymore.

But we’ve found each other… and together we’ve managed to drive away the pain of loneliness.

But it will always be like this? Will this love, that devours our souls, last forever? Will it always be so beautiful and so quiet like a high serenity?… Will the clouds bypass us?

It really doesn’t matter… it doesn’t matter if everything will burn one day and only the ashes will remain next to our story…

Two lonely people in this bad world… two people who loved each other more than life itself. Over time we’ll always remain like that… just a painful memory.

Why is everything so complicated and so confusing? Why can’t we just love each other in peace… leaving the world and everything else behind us and behind our kisses? Why don’t we close once and for all the door of painful memories? Why can’t we just be… liberated of any mask… why everything has to be so fake? Why a hug and a warm smile can’t take the place of money and wealth… why people’s greed robs us of the pure happiness given from above?

These are just the questions of an insignificant and small human being that has no past, no present and no future. I am here… without any mask… without any malice, greed or envy… I am just as God created me to live in this world and not how people and life itself tried to make me. I’ve resisted so many storms… so many waves that hit me mercilessly throughout my short life. I endured everything like a fighter… that I like to imagine I am… I gritted my teeth and my soul screamed so many times without anyone hearing it. But I’m alive and I’m still here now… even though this life has tried so hard to bring me down. I’ve fallen so many times… lacking any hope of continuing… but every single time I got up even stronger and I’ve started everything all over again without looking back.

I always loved to love… I always wanted my soul to fly away and find its place in another body’s soul… I have given my heart so many times… and my heart has been hurt even more times. But over time I’ve learned that a love ending in failure is not the greatest tragedy you can experience… I’ve learned that in life there are many more important things that must be cherished and kept deep in the soul… And life has shown me which are these…

There are people who don’t deserve to be thrown into the mists of oblivion just because they are no longer part of our lives… there are moments that must never be forgotten even if they still hurt… there are places that must awaken in us more than regret and memory… All of these… are things that have been part of us at some point and we must never deny or forget them… Inside of them lies the essence of the life and a piece of our souls… each has a part of us as transient human beings…

The earth will not forget us and neither will the sun that warmed us… the sky will never forget that it watched over us until we died…

I am everything and I am nothing… I am me. I love, I give myself to others but I will still be me. The person next to me can never change my past or the people who are part of it… no one and nothing will take my memories away…

I close my eyes and I remember everything…but now I feel that memories can’t hurt me anymore. They don’t touch me anymore… they’re there, I can feel them but that’s it… they don’t have power over me anymore.

Now I love again and my soul is given to someone else. And sometimes I’m afraid… that one day I’ll break into pieces if I don’t have him anymore… And this feeling of addiction and helplessness hurts. I’m afraid I’ll end up loving him more than life itself… and loving him more than I love myself… I’m afraid one day I will simply die of too much love… dissolving myself with the sunset and never waking up from the deep sleep I’ve fell into… I’m afraid that tomorrow I’ll look deep inside of myself and I’ll only find the shards of a lost love… I’m afraid that everything will be extinguished like a candle and me with it… I can’t no longer endure another disappointment… No. I don’t think I could live with another pain in my heart.

I’ve always been like this… I always loved with all my heart and my sick love destroyed me piece by piece. Now what’s left in me is just a tiny piece which I won’t let anyone to hurt. I’ve suffered too much… and I shed too many tears… I don’t want that anymore! Now I’ve finally found happiness and I’m not going to let anyone to take it away from me. I will fight with the last piece of life I still have… I will get up and I’ll keep moving forward. And if my destiny will not let me have him… I will close the gates of my heart forever and no one will ever be able to enter there anymore. I want to live too… I want to love too… and I want to be able to give life… and I want to die in peace… happy and proud of everything I’ve done on this earth. I have this birth right.

I would really like to know… if I’m a better person now. If now I deserve to be happy… If now I deserve to love and to be loved… And if all of my sins have been paid for… with the many tears I’ve shed throughout my life. I would really like to know if the people I’ve hurt… have forgiven me and if the people who knew me considered me as a good person. I have a soul, too… you know? I’m not a beast and I’ve never been… Even if sometimes I made mistakes like any other person, I didn’t really wanted to hurt anyone… even though I did. And I didn’t really hated anyone even though I wanted to… I’m just a human being. I was wrong and I am sorry. Every day of my life I pray to God to forgive me and let me be able to truly live my life. I have this life here and I’ll try as hard as I can to make everything better… and I want to stop crying and I don’t want to make anyone cry anymore… Never again. Because tears destroy this world… And with every tear you shed… you lose a piece of your heart until you get to a point when you’re not feeling anything anymore. Not loving… nor hating anything anymore… just becoming empty, as we were at birth. I don’t want to be like that… I want to be able to keep the memory of everything I’ve ever felt and I want to be able to feel everything with my whole being until the moment I’ll die… Then… the only thing that will remain after me is a pile of ashes and a distant memory in the minds of those who knew me.

I don’t want to forget anything… not even the things that hurt me. And I don’t want to lose anything from my heart… not even the little things that didn’t meant a lot… because without them I wouldn’t feel like a human being with a soul, with a past and with a story to tell my grandchildren.

Everything is precious. If I would die tomorrow I wouldn’t regret anything I did. Maybe only the fact that I didn’t lived each moment more intensely than I already did. God knows that I’m in peace with everything I did… good and bad… because I know that without all of those things I wouldn’t be what I am now… and without those mistakes, I wouldn’t have learned anything from this world.

It would hurt me though if I would find out that I could have made people happier with my existence than I did or that I could have given more than I gave or that I could have had more than I had…

I want it all. Here and Now. I want everything a soul can give to another. I want to give myself with all the best and the worst in me and to receive the same. I want to see, hear and feel everything about him. I wish we could create our own world in which nothing bad could enter there and disturb our happiness. Unfortunately I can’t make this… a reality. I can’t lock him in my heart’s cage… I have to share him with this world… and live here with him, in the whirlwind of people, who only want to hurt us. I will defend my love with the cost of my life and he will always remain a part of me… a part without which I can no longer breathe… and I can no longer be myself.