Apocalyptic Love

What are you doing, my love? What are you doing with your time? What are you doing there? Away…

I know your heart is frozen now. I know you’ve closed every single window trying to escape the storm... I know your silence feels like a safe Heaven. I know that faith turned into fear... and now everything seems right even though it feels wrong. I know you’re running fast to keep your life... Like this life is everything you have... like this life is a priceless treasure... You feel the emptiness from it. You know that you’re holding to an empty box... A life means nothing. A life without love is nothing. It’s just a dream of what could have been... it’s a distant memory of past versions of your brave soul. A brave soul that once knew how to reach it all.

You will have another chance, my love. In another life. In another time and space. You will have the chance to start it all over again. And you’ll remember this life… and the emptiness of it... and the bitter taste of regrets. Through haze you’ll see yourself again bearing that cross that always seemed impossible to bear... You’ll see that lost soul that never found peace. I hope with all my heart... that… in that future life you’ll choose to end this painful circle... I hope that you’ll finally find the courage to raise above every sorrow... I hope that you’ll take that chance... I hope you’ll feel that it’s not too late for you. I hope that you’ll let love flow like a river into your veins... and you’ll walk bravely through the burning fire of life. I hope you’ll kill the fear that enslaved you for all of your past lives. I hope you’ll have more faith...

Until then... my love... Let’s weep together one more time... for the burial of your soul. Let’s contemplate again what could have been... let’s dream again about this lost love... Let’s watch together with the eyes of our minds... this tragic movie of our lost love. Let’s raise a glass for all of our dead hopes…

The end of this world is close. You can always blame it for our love’s failure... Everyone will understand. “It was impossible for them” they will say... But we will know. We will know that our world has ended long before this... They will say “They didn’t had a chance” but we will know how many chances we’ve denied. “For love was for the brave... and we were not.”

The home we’ve built together from pure thoughts... those pages wrote with tears and blood... that Heaven we’ve created with nothing but some bricks of hope… Everything was lost before its birth.

And now... all we have left... are these poor memories and broken wings... deep scars and piles of ashes. We’ve burned it all. With fear and pain... with doubts and lies... we’ve burned it all…

Soon the whole world will burn too... because of us. Because of our lost love. I know you know. I know we’ve always knew. This wasn’t the world for our love. Our love was too pure to survive in this sinful version of time... this divine love couldn’t live in this hell.

Our loss is this world’s loss. I know in my heart... that this love’s fruit could have saved them all. But I don’t know if they deserved this salvation. They didn’t earned it... they have no faith and they are lost. Lost children into the woods... scared and weak... No light in this darkness.

All the guardian angels have fled... now. Thousands of signs... everyone is blind. Hundreds of voices... everyone is deaf. Truth is everywhere now. Everywhere around us... just in front of us. No one sees it.

This is it. The end of this world. One of the endless line of worlds. And in the middle of this end... it’s again this endless love of ours. That will live on... and on... and on... And On........ We will die but our love will never die.

And soon we will meet again... and probably we’ll make the same mistakes and we’ll end another doomed world. Different beginnings... always the same end.

The End. (as you see it on the screen at the end of every movie)... Let me tell you though... my love... That I loved this one. This one brought us a bit closer...

This love... as it is for us... a blessing and a curse... bearing within the cross of the world... is actually the best thing that could ever happen in the universe. It’s a purifying breeze... a shore for the lost souls that were drowning over and over again in this endless ocean...

You see, my love... we are the sacrificed ones... because we will always suffer the same loss over and over again in time... but they will finally find rest. We will swim forever... towards the same shore... never drowning. Because our souls are blessed with this curse. And they will live forever. And ever.

The light and the darkness will never procreate. The sun and the moon will never meet. And even though the water can soften the earth... it will never swallow it entirely... There’s no end for us, my love... We will always fly over the worlds. And we will always hold into our hands... a love that will always melt like the snow... as soon as we touch it... watering again and again this vast nothing.

And this candle will soon be extinguished and immediately... another one will be kindled... and everything will start all over again.

But until then... my love... let’s mourn together one more time this version of this love of ours... let’s cry one more time for our little angel that will never be born here... and let’s remember one more time how sweet this love once tasted... Let’s think about how we found each other again... and how our hearts stopped… again. How we’ve lost ourselves in each other’s mind... searching for that truth that finally killed everything. And how naively we’ve healed each other’s wounds... not knowing that those scars will mean we’re ready for the end.

Those memories will always travel through the sky of the existence... and one day we will see them in each other’s eyes once again. Naively starting again this endless line of ecstasy and agony... we’ll remember everything and we’ll run away again to the end of the world... Always searching for each other... Always in love with a dream... and always going apart.

Hold on my love... hold on to those memories... One day they will be for us the compass that will lead us home. I don’t know about you... but I think that I... with every life I have... I hope more and more and I pray harder and harder that this will end differently. Like a little child... I am naively enough to hope every single time that maybe God will finally spear us... That one day... this love of ours will finally find its home. And that our little angel will be finally born from this endless love.

“The Lady of The Crazy Clan”... :) I told you... I’ve invented the word “crazy”…

I know that when you’ll read these things here… all of your senses will scream very loud... so loud that you will not hear the voice of your heart anymore. That was always our problem, my love... I hear too much... and I listen... but you pretend to be deaf even though you hear it too... You chose every time that “safe” place of silence... denying everything with the illusion of “knowledge” and control... :)

Don’t worry... my love... we’ve been like this for a thousand lives before... Always assuming the same roles... always playing the same parts... I had to take it all on me... every single time... And I’m telling you now... that I am grateful for bearing this hard truth on my shoulders... and I would do it for a thousand times over again. The truth has its own beauty behind all that pain... Misunderstood always... judged... condemned and humiliated... I will bear this truth on my shoulders for eternity.

So sleep well, my love... I am here. Always watching over you… always praying for your soul... always protecting you from all dangers. My love will always follow you. Wherever you are and whatever you do.

You are My King. And I will always give my life and my total devotion for My King. Sleep for another life, my love... Dream about us… hold on to those memories... and keep this love alive forever. This love is the only thing we will ever have. An eternal sleep... with thousands of dreams and lost memories. This is our destiny. Written before the birth of the universe. The ink is dry. And we’ll soon be shadows... and dust.

Remember always that light we’ve kindled... that passion that burned our souls... Remember the pain and the rivers of tears. Remember our silly jokes and the smiles... and the laughter. And the inspiration flowing through our veins... creating art that no one buys... and the dreams that will never live into reality... and our endless fights of clashing egos. Remember the feeling that made us alive and the hopes that slowly died... Remember the life we never lived... and that home we never had.

Our loss is just a piece of this big game, my love... We never knew how to play it... we never accepted the rules... and we’ve lost. Cause in this world’s delusional game... you know my love... that those who win are doomed to lose forever. So maybe... with our loss here... with our sacrifice... we’ve earned the right to win our love back... in another time and place.

I will be with you forever. When you look at the stars and when your face will be warmed by the sun. When the breeze of the wind will touch your skin... and when the rain will fall from the sky. When you’ll look into the mirror and when you’ll blow your birthday candles... and every time in your dreams... and every time in your prayers... I will be with you, my endless love.

Please know... that I always loved you. Only you. The whole you. From the beginning until every end. With all my heart and with every fiber of my being. And I will always love you. In every life. In every world. In every Heaven. You.

The One... and The Only... You.